my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I will be naked everywhere
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
