it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
nutella sex= disaster
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
