So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
