So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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