i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize