Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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