i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Two words: blizzard sex
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
