See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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