I accidentally had phone sex last night
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
