Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
