And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
