the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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