Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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