I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize