You're completely useless in the revolution.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
