You really coming over, don't trick.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
