But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
