So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
