How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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