maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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