Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
