Say something about gay babies.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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