Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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