There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize