I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
