if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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