she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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