dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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