It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
