highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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