I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
