my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You left your phone here
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