Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
