She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
