kristin has been a bad kristin
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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