Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Randomize
