absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
