Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize