I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
