its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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