I want to walk on stilts...naked
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
