I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
