He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
