The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
