youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
