Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
