Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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