I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
