my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
