Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
