Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just pee around me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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