I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
