Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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