come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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