You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
