You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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