He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
