Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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