Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
