I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
