Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
