I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
