all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
