I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
