sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
