omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
