my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want to have your abortion
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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