dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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