my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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