if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
