I'm laying in your front yard are you home
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
