In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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