redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
