why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize