Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
