Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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