What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
