so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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