Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
